Despite being tired, today was a really very beautiful day. The perfect temperature and the bluest most beautiful sky. Lavan was happy. I was happy. And even though I have been mostly alone today, I don’t feel that sad. I kept myself busy and appreciated the company of the animals, I took steps to actively not miss my roommate- as I have been all week, and did fine. It was only just a moment ago that he flew in the door to grab a shirt for tomorrow and then hopped out without so much as a sentence. I felt overwhelmingly sad watching the car headlights backing out of our driveway. It was the leaving. It is the leaving that is hard for me. Not the sustained distance- mentally, physically, or emotionally- but the finite motion of breaking from someone without knowing if it is the last time. Oh, I am aware that thought borders on emo and is just a touch melodramatic- but nevertheless, there it is. Despite my best intentions, I tear up when I see someone I care about turn away and leave me. I am my Mother waving at the bus as I drove off to board a plane to France. I am every cliché movie soundtrack that swells as the brave army recruit salutes his veteran father, or the gaggle of school children present single flowers to a room of fire fighters. I am the commemorative coin depicting the heroic rescue of some small child from some unfeasibly small gully. There is nothing to be done.
I’m completely exhausted beyond any reasonable degree. I got what I would consider to be a normal amount of sleep last night- a solid 5-6 hours, but almost from the point of my being awake, I was falling back to sleep again. Even though I had Lavan with me at work, I still was drowsy in my office, and on the train. I perked up a little at the dog park, where Lavan played with like 13 other dogs and had a blast and completely exhausted herself beyond any reasonable manifestation of her usual hyper dogness- so much so that she slept continuously from the point we arrived home, but that perkiness was not long held, for as soon as I settled into my couscous and Center Stage, I was fighting off my eyes closing. I threw some laundry in and decided to play a quick game of Harvest Moon, but could barely keep myself from falling over and did dose off for a few seconds at a time several times. I just don’t know what is making me so sleepy! I would go see the doctor if I wasn’t afraid of what other things they would want me to do.
On Monday, I am going to try to start getting back to the gym on a regular basis, that might improve my health and mood and fatigue a little, but who knows really.
Ever Virgin.
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