So I suppose I lost the 100 word challenge, if we can define these sorts of things as won or lost- but the reason I didn’t make it was that I arrived home from Mohegan Sun at 4am Sunday morning after our exciting Saturday excursion.  It was one of my favorite memories to date with Jacob.  We just had the best time- it was perfect.  We arrived by 5:30 and went to eat at the buffet, which I always get a kick out of- I just cannot help but enjoy watching people (myself included) pile up ridiculously enormous plates of completely sumptuous food, eat half, and then go up and do it all over again.  They had some delicious meats.  We walked around the casino and gambled away a bit of money, I lost a 20- and then we headed on over to the Arena for the real purpose of our trip- the Rascal Flatts concert.   The seats were actually a LOT better than I thought they were going to be! They were, without question, the most humble, genial, warm group of performers I have ever seen!  They were signing things, giving kisses, telling wonderful stories- at one point they even invited a couple on stage, and the guy proposed to his girlfriend and then they serenaded them with “God Bless the Broken Road” while they had their first dance in front of everyone.  It was magical.  They played all the good songs, had awesome effects, and the best part for me, is they took a minute to thank everyone for buying tickets in these hard economic times.  I don’t know why but it really felt touching and sincere.  It was wonderful.
After the concert we spent almost two hours waiting for Jacob’s chosen blackjack table to open up, but in that time I figured out the ins and outs of the game and really enjoyed watching him play for about an hour or so before I decided to sit down at a neighboring slot machine.  I was joking around about wanting to play the playboy slots and there was a penny slot there that was playboy, so of course I chose it.  I hit the button once- and ended up winning $155.00!  So I cashed out right away and filed it right into my cruise fun!  I watched Jacob some more, got us coffees, and was having an all around blast- around 2am we decided we needed to call it quits so we hopped in the car and drove home- they whole time Pandora played ridiculous Broadway and movie duets and we sang them together so we wouldn’t fall asleep.  It was one of those nights that I try to hold on to as a memory when I am alone for these long stretches of time.. I haven’t seen him since then, you see, and probably won’t until tomorrow night- or maybe even later, who knows? He might be dead- I have no idea.   At least I can remember that huge amount of fun and feel grateful that I get to have good memories with people that I care about.

I’m going to head to bed now- back to the old work routine in the a.m.

Today was one of those wonderful days that I try to bank in my memory for when the times get tough.  It was actually an all day snow storm, and I spent at least 75% of the day with wet and cold feet, but I have, overall, felt a lot worse being outside- it wasn’t too cold overall and at least my pants were not wet- I’d take pretty much any other wet garment over wet pant legs.  YUCK.

So Jacob and I trudged through the morning snow, our usual chipper and annoying-to-passerby selves, and arrived at Arlington Street to find our choir was only 7 people.  We were small, but mighty- and I actually had a lot of fun singing and being there- then we spent the early afternoon ogling shoes at The Tannery and various housewares at Anthropologie before a very cheap but satisfying lunch at The Pourhouse- seriously- two burgers, a mountain of fries, a fried egg, and a beer for only 20$ in BOSTON?  It’s unheard of!  We parted ways and I headed off to meet up with Carrie to see a show at The Lyric which I am reviewing for Boston Theatre Review.  Overall, we both enjoyed it- and I REALLY enjoyed getting to spend time with her in the Prudential afterward, catching up and talking about our 2010 health goals.  She’s an excellent work out partner and friend.  I’m extremely glad to have met her.

I joined Jacob on the couch by 7pm where we rotted our brains and our stomachs with pointless tv and bad chinese food, and I was extremely excited to find a clean and sweet smelling freshly bathed dog.  Lavan is an excellent winter time heater and snuggle buddy, but a pee-scented dog in your bed isn’t the best- so that was a nice surprise.

Overall I was just happy and the stress of this upcoming month just sorted melted away for a few hours.  Boy am I grateful.  I am labeling all of these happy entries with “2010 rocks” so I can just click the tag to remind myself that I do have wonderful, happy days despite all the emo babble that usually fills this journal.

It was so darned hot today.  From almost the first breath of dawn to these last quiet moments I played the spare today.  Number three.  My usual post. It is something that I still cannot seem to get used to.  Sometimes I want to break free- scream, shake myself, wake up from this world and find something better for myself, but I would so miss the people, I just cannot convince myself to go.

Have you ever imagined it?  Cooly, quietly, slipping unseen into the night, never to return.  Just a shadow or a memory.  Do you ever wonder who would think of you when you left?  Cross someone’s mind once a day?  Once a week?  Once a month?  Who would even care?  The people you think- or a complete surprise cast?  Perhaps no one.  And then, if it is no one, is that something you want to risk knowing?  I don’t know.

Dwelling on these dramatic thoughts can get a person so glum- perhaps I should stop writing at two in the morning.  Instead of the heavy cortex work, let me offer:

Here are five things that made me happy today-

1) Watching almost a whole pound of turkey bacon cook at once on the griddle lovingly purchased for me by Jacob.
2) My free trip to the Franklin Park Zoo, getting to put in my vote for the new baby giraffee name.
3) The way flank steak tastes if you marinade it just right and drink a lime rikey with your meal.
4) Eating peanut butter oreo ice cream with people who truly appreciate its deliciousness.
5) Getting surprise text messages with messages that inspire hope.

Is it a problem that three of these things focus on food?  I think so, but I am not sure how to fix that.  Maybe I just had a little too much to smoke tonight and I have the munchies?  I don’t know, but I could sure go for a cheese pizza right now.

I picked “Twinkie” as a name.  I think its brilliant.  Giraffes totally remind me of twinkies!

Love ya, Babe.

Wow. I cannot believe it has been five years since Stonehill graduation. I just got home from an evening spent with friends walking around campus, seeing what has changed and what has not. I’ve created a little picture montage of our afternoon and evening for your enjoyment:

Jenna, Aaron and I sneak into the dark room! This was taken in the pitch blackness!

Jenna and I in the dark room! Blurry because its so dark in there!

I got an A in photo class because I was so good at setting the timer I am pointing to here.

So, then we snuck over to the piano lab. Here is a picture of me on the very piano I sat at in class. This is the face I used to make.

Here is my C+ piano! Poor thing, it deserved better than me.

We met up with John and a very pregnant Erin!

and Meg and a very pregnant Gretchen!

We enjoyed a yummy buffet of cake and bread and steak tips.

After dinner we decided to take a walk and found a trailer park in the parking lot behind O’Hara hall.

I visited my old freshman year dorm room!

John, Erin, Jenna and Aaron demonstrate that their is no longer a road in front of O’Hara. Behind them is the amazing new science building.

We visit the Grotto.

Meanwhile, back at the mixer, the love of my life arrives (he biked all the way from Stoughton!)

We were very happy to be reunited.

All in all I had a wonderful time and wish I could have stayed so much longer! I love Stonehill so much and I will never forget all the amazing people that I met there. I am so lucky!

Ever Virgin.

Il est vrai que Je t’aime. J’essaie de l’amour vous la meilleure façon que je le peux. J’essaie de ne pas penser à tes bras autour de moi ou de la manière dont vous me faire rire. J’essaie de ne pas vous souhaite invite-moi à votre lit. J’essaie d’être un ami dévoué et un bon partenaire. Je serai toujours jaloux de lui. Je veux toujours votre attention pour moi. Je suis tellement désolé que je ne peux pas être plus forte, une meilleure personne. S’il vous plaît n’oubliez pas de moi. Je serais perdu sans toi. Vous êtes mon meilleur ami. Quand je mensonge réveiller la nuit, il est vous, je pense que d’. Quand je pleure, c’est vous que je veux. Votre visage est la dernière chose que je vois quand je ferme mes yeux. Je pensais jamais cela se produire de nouveau pour moi, que je ne ferais jamais l’amour que je ne peux pas absolument posséder. Maintenant, je sais que nous avons été liés ensemble pour toujours. Votre cœur a aimé le mien. Je ne peux pas survivre sans vous voir tous les jours. Je déteste être loin, même pour le week-end parce que je sais que je ne vais pas vous voir. Vous êtes le meilleur homme que j’ai jamais partagé un lit avec. Dans vos yeux, pour un moment, je me sens en sécurité. Je ne me sens pas ses mains ou traitements cruels peines ou traitements cruels son corps forcer à me soumettre. Je ne se sentent aimés.

Toujours Vierge

Lots of late nights, this week. Between the first rehearsal for Bare complete with a delicious display of wines, cheeses, and other snacks, to the ridiculous trip to Economy Hardware at Midnight on Thursday to buy a new couch and chair for the apartment, as well as some other items for the home and puppy with Mr. Jacob Krause, to last night’s celebration of the 21st year of my dear dear dear heart where I stayed out so late I had to take a cab home (my first cab ever, in Boston and on my own!).

Bare has quite a phenomenal cast, seeing and hearing them all in the room together was fantastic. Of course, like anyone else, I have my questions about casting choices, but Mr. DeMita hasn’t ever let me down before, so I trust he knows what he’s doing with some of the questionable casting choices that I see- but for what I hear in voices and see in body types, he put together a good looking, fairly well matched cast. Also they seemed friendly for a bunch of newcomers, notably I enjoyed Anne. She was very sweet, I think she’ll be a fast friend to the company. Tom and I are pretty excellent as ASMs- he is a person to trust and enjoy, and I am glad we’ll become even better acquainted in the next few months.

Have I mentioned what a sweet, thoughtful, man my room mate is? I probably haven’t, but he is. He almost always knows what to say to make me laugh, and I’ve pretty much got his back when it comes to emotional support. He made me laugh at Midnight Madness mostly by being the sparkly rainbow of a boy that he is. Also he looks charmingly adorable pushing a cart around because it makes him shimmy is ass (subconscious? I dunno.) He bought us a Wii on Thursday as well, we’re going to break it open and play when he gets back from Michigan, where he’s visiting his family and enjoying traditional Jewish rites of passage for distant relations

Last night we celebrated the day the earth was blessed with the arrival of Mr. Kyle Hemingway. An intimate group had dinner together, exchanging witty quips (you know, you can make that shit private for a reason.) and dining on an array of Asian/American fusion dishes. I enjoyed a plate of beef with Asian cabbages (yes plural, apparently they have several). The sassy waitress was a special delight for my man. After dinner (and being stuck between the curb and a milk delivery truck for five minutes) we arrived at the Encore piano bar for lots of singing and more revelry. Mr. Hemingway performed some of his staple numbers to the delight of the crowd (who were mostly good friends) and Mr. Hayes and myself prepared a delightful duet where we proclaimed our love for the man of hour through the eyes of two deranged serial killers. Jeremy was so nervous his hands were shaking, but I think he did exceptionally well for all the practice we had (read: none.) We all had a few drinks, socialized and enjoyed the non-dramatic atmosphere for several hours, so many, in fact, that the T totally stopped running and I had to take a taxi home- it’s only a 15 dollar taxi ride and it was sort of relaxing, I would do it again. It was a nice night, I think.

Today Kyle and I spent the better part of the afternoon working on the Brit Brit musical, we made some excellent progress. It is going to be one enjoyable piece of theatre when all is said and done! We make a good team- God knows why, but we just work in perfect time. We even have just about the same amount of stamina. Yeah, I said it. I hope we can get this great American musical up and going by the end of the summer. A few more sessions like today and we’ll be on it!

(I have to take this time out of my writing just to note that there is a puppy curled up between my legs and a kitty laying in the small of my back and the two of them are batting at each other in a half-assed way- what the hell am I- the barricades at dawn?)

Ever Virgin.

I know that I am going to need a laugh, sooner or later, and so I post this tidbit as a reminder of those who will -always- love me.

flutternight: want to have sex?
skeay123: sure
flutternight: excelent.
skeay123: my place or yours
flutternight: yours has a little more privacy
skeay123: if thats what u are looking for
flutternight: I’ll be right over.
skeay123: yay

I had an absolutely phenomenal weekend, thanks in a very great part to my dear Alexis, for whom I have much to thank.  When I am around her, I feel an overwhelming sense of security and safety- I don’t have to hide anything about who I am, she knows parts of me that you can only know by scrapping at the deepest caverns of the inside of me, but she knows these things implicitly, as if she just looked at me and knew what was there, without ever having to dig.  Perhaps it is a function of the length of our friendship, or, as with Kacee, or Kyle, the particular moment that our paths collided wove an invisible and indestructible band around us, binding us together in a way that another person in another time or place wouldn’t be able to access.  Whatever the case, Alexis being here this weekend made me feel, for lack of a more appropriate word, cherished.  It isn’t that those around me on a daily basis don’t express to me that I am important to them- they certainly do, to their credit, it’s just that Alexis was truly grateful for my company.  Spending time with me was the most valuable thing she could possibly think of.  With her here, I felt, even for a short time, like someone’s first choice.  It’s an underfelt emotion that I am exceptionally lucky to even get to have for a few minutes.  Perhaps I am not meant to ever feel like someone’s first choice on a daily basis, whether I am unworthy or just unlucky, but it really was nice, and really was appreciated to feel that way this weekend.
I’m going to bed now because I was extremely active these last few days and my body hasn’t quite caught up- I’m looking forward to a work week that is significantly quieter and more lonesome now that Jeremy is gone.  I’m going to miss having that safe friend around the corner.  I’m going to miss my standing lunch date too- at lest Lava will be here soon to take his place

Ever Virgin.