So I suppose I lost the 100 word challenge, if we can define these sorts of things as won or lost- but the reason I didn’t make it was that I arrived home from Mohegan Sun at 4am Sunday morning after our exciting Saturday excursion.  It was one of my favorite memories to date with Jacob.  We just had the best time- it was perfect.  We arrived by 5:30 and went to eat at the buffet, which I always get a kick out of- I just cannot help but enjoy watching people (myself included) pile up ridiculously enormous plates of completely sumptuous food, eat half, and then go up and do it all over again.  They had some delicious meats.  We walked around the casino and gambled away a bit of money, I lost a 20- and then we headed on over to the Arena for the real purpose of our trip- the Rascal Flatts concert.   The seats were actually a LOT better than I thought they were going to be! They were, without question, the most humble, genial, warm group of performers I have ever seen!  They were signing things, giving kisses, telling wonderful stories- at one point they even invited a couple on stage, and the guy proposed to his girlfriend and then they serenaded them with “God Bless the Broken Road” while they had their first dance in front of everyone.  It was magical.  They played all the good songs, had awesome effects, and the best part for me, is they took a minute to thank everyone for buying tickets in these hard economic times.  I don’t know why but it really felt touching and sincere.  It was wonderful.
After the concert we spent almost two hours waiting for Jacob’s chosen blackjack table to open up, but in that time I figured out the ins and outs of the game and really enjoyed watching him play for about an hour or so before I decided to sit down at a neighboring slot machine.  I was joking around about wanting to play the playboy slots and there was a penny slot there that was playboy, so of course I chose it.  I hit the button once- and ended up winning $155.00!  So I cashed out right away and filed it right into my cruise fun!  I watched Jacob some more, got us coffees, and was having an all around blast- around 2am we decided we needed to call it quits so we hopped in the car and drove home- they whole time Pandora played ridiculous Broadway and movie duets and we sang them together so we wouldn’t fall asleep.  It was one of those nights that I try to hold on to as a memory when I am alone for these long stretches of time.. I haven’t seen him since then, you see, and probably won’t until tomorrow night- or maybe even later, who knows? He might be dead- I have no idea.   At least I can remember that huge amount of fun and feel grateful that I get to have good memories with people that I care about.

I’m going to head to bed now- back to the old work routine in the a.m.

Today was one of those wonderful days that I try to bank in my memory for when the times get tough.  It was actually an all day snow storm, and I spent at least 75% of the day with wet and cold feet, but I have, overall, felt a lot worse being outside- it wasn’t too cold overall and at least my pants were not wet- I’d take pretty much any other wet garment over wet pant legs.  YUCK.

So Jacob and I trudged through the morning snow, our usual chipper and annoying-to-passerby selves, and arrived at Arlington Street to find our choir was only 7 people.  We were small, but mighty- and I actually had a lot of fun singing and being there- then we spent the early afternoon ogling shoes at The Tannery and various housewares at Anthropologie before a very cheap but satisfying lunch at The Pourhouse- seriously- two burgers, a mountain of fries, a fried egg, and a beer for only 20$ in BOSTON?  It’s unheard of!  We parted ways and I headed off to meet up with Carrie to see a show at The Lyric which I am reviewing for Boston Theatre Review.  Overall, we both enjoyed it- and I REALLY enjoyed getting to spend time with her in the Prudential afterward, catching up and talking about our 2010 health goals.  She’s an excellent work out partner and friend.  I’m extremely glad to have met her.

I joined Jacob on the couch by 7pm where we rotted our brains and our stomachs with pointless tv and bad chinese food, and I was extremely excited to find a clean and sweet smelling freshly bathed dog.  Lavan is an excellent winter time heater and snuggle buddy, but a pee-scented dog in your bed isn’t the best- so that was a nice surprise.

Overall I was just happy and the stress of this upcoming month just sorted melted away for a few hours.  Boy am I grateful.  I am labeling all of these happy entries with “2010 rocks” so I can just click the tag to remind myself that I do have wonderful, happy days despite all the emo babble that usually fills this journal.

It was so darned hot today.  From almost the first breath of dawn to these last quiet moments I played the spare today.  Number three.  My usual post. It is something that I still cannot seem to get used to.  Sometimes I want to break free- scream, shake myself, wake up from this world and find something better for myself, but I would so miss the people, I just cannot convince myself to go.

Have you ever imagined it?  Cooly, quietly, slipping unseen into the night, never to return.  Just a shadow or a memory.  Do you ever wonder who would think of you when you left?  Cross someone’s mind once a day?  Once a week?  Once a month?  Who would even care?  The people you think- or a complete surprise cast?  Perhaps no one.  And then, if it is no one, is that something you want to risk knowing?  I don’t know.

Dwelling on these dramatic thoughts can get a person so glum- perhaps I should stop writing at two in the morning.  Instead of the heavy cortex work, let me offer:

Here are five things that made me happy today-

1) Watching almost a whole pound of turkey bacon cook at once on the griddle lovingly purchased for me by Jacob.
2) My free trip to the Franklin Park Zoo, getting to put in my vote for the new baby giraffee name.
3) The way flank steak tastes if you marinade it just right and drink a lime rikey with your meal.
4) Eating peanut butter oreo ice cream with people who truly appreciate its deliciousness.
5) Getting surprise text messages with messages that inspire hope.

Is it a problem that three of these things focus on food?  I think so, but I am not sure how to fix that.  Maybe I just had a little too much to smoke tonight and I have the munchies?  I don’t know, but I could sure go for a cheese pizza right now.

I picked “Twinkie” as a name.  I think its brilliant.  Giraffes totally remind me of twinkies!

Wow. I cannot believe it has been five years since Stonehill graduation. I just got home from an evening spent with friends walking around campus, seeing what has changed and what has not. I’ve created a little picture montage of our afternoon and evening for your enjoyment:

Jenna, Aaron and I sneak into the dark room! This was taken in the pitch blackness!

Jenna and I in the dark room! Blurry because its so dark in there!

I got an A in photo class because I was so good at setting the timer I am pointing to here.

So, then we snuck over to the piano lab. Here is a picture of me on the very piano I sat at in class. This is the face I used to make.

Here is my C+ piano! Poor thing, it deserved better than me.

We met up with John and a very pregnant Erin!

and Meg and a very pregnant Gretchen!

We enjoyed a yummy buffet of cake and bread and steak tips.

After dinner we decided to take a walk and found a trailer park in the parking lot behind O’Hara hall.

I visited my old freshman year dorm room!

John, Erin, Jenna and Aaron demonstrate that their is no longer a road in front of O’Hara. Behind them is the amazing new science building.

We visit the Grotto.

Meanwhile, back at the mixer, the love of my life arrives (he biked all the way from Stoughton!)

We were very happy to be reunited.

All in all I had a wonderful time and wish I could have stayed so much longer! I love Stonehill so much and I will never forget all the amazing people that I met there. I am so lucky!

Ever Virgin.

I have so much to say about the Opera, but words fail me.  How does one accurately portray the feeling of pride, the overwhelming satisfaction of justified ownership, and the absolute child-like delight of seeing a creation of your wildest imagination manifest itself in a true, real, and very grown-up way. I don’t know if I can find the words.

It seems like I’ve been talking about this Opera forever.  From the moments of conception where Erin, Jacob, and I pushed salads, and then Thai food, and then pizza, around our plates as we fed our more deeply rooted hunger for creativity- to the hours I spent caressing and modifying every turn of phrase, lovingly adorning my characters with their sense of self, imbuing them with history, and comedy, and richness- to the publicity deluge, including the photo shoots, press releases, endless interviews and synopsis.  So many words, and yet, in the end, I haven’t found what I want to say.

Yes, of course, there is Thank You.  Thank you to my amazing cast, who breathed their own life into my words, to the crackerjack crew, especially Paul and Jim who helped me to make it through the parts that were a particular challenge, to the glorious, uncompensated musicians for loving music more than money, to Amy for her wonderful attitude and infinite patience as she guided our puppet dog through nightly abuse, to Everett for giving us his generosity over and over and providing costumes I could never have imagined.  He saw my girls in a way I could not, and then showed me all I had been missing.  To Scott for finding our musician’s voices, cultivating them with love and care, and always trying to give what he could, and most importantly to Erin and to Jacob.  Erin who is the heart of my words, the music of my mind- she took my very soul and set it to music, it is a gift I never imagined I could ever find.  And to Jacob.  Jacob who in a very short span on time has given to me a little family when I am away from my own.  His part in my life extends so far beyond the direction of the staging of this show that it must be stated that there would be no Serpent without him.  Hours and hours and hours together doing everything that no one else thought to do or cared to do.  Never once a harsh word.  My teammate, my best friend. He could see it all, everything that I wished for, and he made it come true.  His beautiful set.  His lyrical staging.  All of it with a humility and modesty that he saved especially for me in our slow rides home after everyone else was long parted.  The thanks could go on and on, each wave of gratitude more earnest than the next.

My heart is also so grateful for every one of my friends who came to see the show.  I know I am involved in a lot of shows, and seeing them isn’t always easy, but this is, I believe, one of the most exciting things that has ever happened to me, and to know so many people loved and cared about me, it makes it even more miraculous.  Thank you Leslie, Jeremy, Kyle, Joanna, Rachel, Robyn, Steve, Joe, Christa, Steven, Robyn, Mark,  Jen, Kathryn, Annie, Jason, Sharlene, Dan, Jo, Kacee, KMac, Tom, Jordan, Roger, Leif (!), Jason and Dad for all of your journeys to pilgrimage love for me.  I hardly feel I am worth it, and love you all the more for it.

I want to be a writer with all of my heart and soul.  I want people to know that living inside me is a world of beauty that could never hope to reflect itself in what they could see from the outside.  For the first time in my life, when I saw them up there, singing my words, I felt beautiful.  More beautiful than cosmetics, or clothes, or diets could ever make me.  I felt like the biggest part of me, the part of me that I love the most, was there for all to see, finally.  I’ve never felt so real.  I cannot say it better or with more finesse.  I suppose that when it comes to me, I am still just that much more a fool whose words don’t fit together.

I’m so exhausted, deeply to my bones I am aching with the fatigue that comes when you know a show is at its end.  Tomorrow we travel down to Providence to meet with some men who run a production company who specializes in Kung Fu movies.  They might be interested in making a film out of our humble piece.  If that were to happen, I don’t know what I would do with myself.  It’s more than I ever dared to hope for and am completely unprepared.   This could be it.  Our chance.

Thank you.  Thank you.  Thank you.  From the bottom of my heart. You’ve helped me to fulfill my dream.  I am so grateful.

Ever Virgin.

Welcome to 2009 my friends.  A year has flown by and I didn’t even notice and suddenly here I am in the last year of the 0’s without much claim to fame and without much to show for it.  I am not married to a baked bean tycoon, I have never touched a peacock, and I don’t live in a glorious castle on the French Riviera.  These things alone are reasons to note that my life is a failure, I am sure you would all agree.  I could go on all day listing the various things that I am not or haven’t done with myself in the last year, but instead I am going to give you the Shannon Rosa top list of things about 2008.

In February,  I had a Leap Year party and a LOT of people who mean a lot to me showed up.  Not only did I get to see lots of my every day and fudge friends, but Scot, John and Erin, and Mike Kinnally showed up too.  It made me feel extremely happy and loved to have them all there for me, and to celebrate the one extra day of the year!

In April, Jacob hosted a beautiful Seder dinner at the Woodlawn. It was hands down one of the most fun parties I have ever been to- the food was excellent, the company was excellent, there was a LOT of wine and good conversation, and everything looked beautiful.  It was really fun and silly to prepare for this dinner with no car, as we didn’t have one in April- you haven’t lived until you have seen Jacob carrying a 50 lb push cart up 5 flights of steps because it was so heavy the wheels broke off completely.

In May, the Woodlawn welcomed Lavan Celine Rosa-Krause into our lives.  She has been a whole lot of work, that is to be sure, but she has given us a lot of love and a lot of joy as she has grown from baby dog into big girl.  She has a lot of work to do before she is a really good girl, lots and lots of growing to do and less kicky lickying, but she has made this year a fantastic adventure.

In June, I spent several days on the Cape with a bunch of my friends first at Kristin’s Cape house and then later, Kyle, Jeremy and Jacob joined me for several days and I held a big party on Saturday night in Eastham where a bunch more of my friends came together to hang out with me.  Admittedly there were a few sticky moments in the week, but I think that makes it even better because you appreciate the good times more when you have something to compare them to. It was so wonderful to see friends from Stonehill, too.

In August, we had another addition to the family, Xander came home to be our third and final pet.  We took him from a litter of kittens from next door, because Jacob had never had a baby kitty of his own before.  The house seemed pretty full with Seamus, Lavan AND Xander, but we got used to it quickly as everyone found their own unique relationships with one another.  Lavan and Xander are especially playful together.

On September 1st, Jacob and I moved from The Woodlawn, to our new apartment, 60 Rue de Woodlawn- right next door!  Despite the fact that it was a mess and we needed to sleep on a mattress on the floor for almost two months while they fixed everything up, we were both extremely happy to get to stay on the same street we were on before and also have a space we could have control over without having to worry about any weirdo third room mates.  The best part about the new apartment is that it has a washer and dryer in the unit so we don’t ever have to lug our laundry any further than across the room to wash it.

In September, I started to teach my first class at Suffolk University, SU101.  It is a class which gives a support system to new students and helps to guide them along the path of responsible behavior.  I really liked a lot of my studrnts and admired their hard work.   It was also very cool to get to know some of the Suffolk incoming freshman and to make a friend of my TA, Matt.  He is an amazing kid with a lot of future potential and we were matched up VERY well.

Also in September, I auditioned for and was accepted into the Back Bay Chorale, a group of 100 singers in the metro Boston area who put on concerts of challenging classical music four times a year.  I was so nervous about trying out but I really felt strongly that I needed to do something to help me work out my voice and stimulate me intellectually.  I got to be better friends with our neighbor, Joanna, who is also in the chorus with me and made some other nice friends throughout the last few months.

In October, I got a bed.  No.  Seriously.  Since February, I was sleeping on my mattress on the floor and I had gotten to the end of my ability to see that as a good idea, so a trip to Ikea produced a beautiful black wrought iron bed for me to sleep on, and my wonderful room mate and his wonderful new boyfriend put it together for me one night while I was at choir rehearsal because they are sweet and thoughtful.

In November, I got to take my first trip to the Berkshires.  On our Thanksgiving vacation a combination of several of my dear friends traveled to Jeremy’s time share in the Berkshires for the holiday. We relaxed in a lovely, fancy suite and watched TV, knit, cooked, talked, and went in our exquisite jacuzzi bath tubs.  One of our favorite appointments was the fantastic pretend fireplace which shot out pretend flames and blew warm air at us while it hummed with pretend crackling fire sounds.  We also visited Mass MoCA and saw some spectacular art and dined at a delicious Chinese buffet.  On Thanksgiving day we cooked a feast of Cornish Hens and all the fixings and it was delicious and lovely!

In December, since my car had an unfortunate demise in the Berkshire Mountains, I purchased my very first brand new car.  It is a gorgeous silver Scion xD and I am completely in love with it.  Jacob helped me to pick out the best model and I scooped it up and drove it home!  No more fear about breaking down every time I leave the house.  I am happy to say that for the first time in my life I feel safe and secure leaving my house to drive somewhere.

And there you have it.  All these wonderful things happened to me this year, and looking at them all layed out like this makes me feel very proud- not bean tycoon proud, but pretty proud anyway.  Here is to another wonderful year of loving those I love and encouraging others who do not to find love and peace in their own way.

Ever Virgin.

Before I begin to talk about this weekend’s parade, I must offer my humble readers two bits of important back story.

a) The governors daughter, Katherine, just recently came out publicly as a lesbian.  You can read all about that here.  On the advent of this auspicious occasion, the governor decided to march in this year’s parade with daughter and family.  I think it’s wonderful that he decided to support her so publicly considering how many politicians weigh every move in the eyes of their campaigns rather than their families.

b) There is a homeless man whose designated begging area is on and around the state house.  He is well known among the Boston community for his completely bizarre, almost mechanical-sounding voice. The rumors say they he was once a professor at Boston University, but was fired and went a little off the deep end.

Okay, allow me to continue….

I had the pleasure of attending Boston’s Pride parade this past Saturday. A large group of happy people coming together to celebrate a common idea is often a good time- and this festival was no disappointment. I met Kyle, Neil, and Smart David for brunch at Kinsale prior to the parade and we chatted and watched the colorful display of t-shirts before heading up to our desired location by the State House to watch the actual parade.  Jacob was walking with Lavan so I was excited to get to see them all cute and pride-y.  There was a plethora of excited and exciting groups marching and we did our best to woop and hollar at the right times, grateful there was no oppressive heat.  The homeless man that I described before, and who I will call Joe for the rest of this tale, made several passes among the crowd, asking for change in his usual abrasive tone- he was, unexpectedly, cleanly-shaven and had a haircut.  He was overall ignored by both parade-goer and parade police.  He decided to make another pass through the crowd just as Gov. Patrick and his family were passing by us at the State House.  Joe walked right up to the governor, right past the crowd and the security, and put his arm around him.  He walked with him a few feet before he was gently and discretely shuffled back into the crowd.  I was dumbstruck.  I couldn’t believe how easily he had just walked right up to him and touched him.  If Joe was a dangerous man, or if he was nefariously tasked, he could have easily killed the governor.  It really made me feel uneasy.

Here is a photo of them that Neil snapped, Joe is wearing the yellow polo:

What scares me the most is that we have to go through a lot of security precautions in our daily lives.  Lots of time and money have been spent attempting to keep us safe, but we never are.  At any moment, you can be attacked just walking down the street.  Thank goodness nothing truly scary happened at the parade- it sure made my stomach jump though!

Ever Virgin.