So you’d have to be living under a rock to not know how obsessed I am with Shabu Shabu style cooking.  I think about it, dream about its deliciousness, bring lots of friends and loved ones to my favorite restaurant, Kaze, to experience the wonder that is Japanese Hot Pot.  Unfortunately, it isn’t the most affordable place to dine.  I decided to try to cut costs and try to recreate the hot pot experience in my own home.  With the help of my Mom, I located an individual burner, and with the help of C Mart Supermarket in China Town I found most of all the delicious ingredients that I needed-  There are tons of options for shabu shabu, I could not have gotten all of the wide array of choices so I picked a few favorites: baby spinach, cilantro, napa cabbage, shitake mushrooms, beech mushrooms, enoki mushrooms, thinly sliced beef and chicken and wood ear dumplings.  I couldn’t find a dykon radish and the tarro roots were enormous, and I also skipped the tomato because they had none.  I bought a huge tub of delicious miso paste and a few of my favorite Asian honey and lemon drinks to go with the meal.  The most difficult part was trying to figure out how to make the delicious sauce that is crucial for dipping the veggies in.  I assembled the ingredients- fresh garlic, scallions, red chili sauce and satay sauce- but I couldn’t get it to taste quite right.  I’d say I’d rate my version a 4/10.  Got to try some other satay sauces.  Kaze makes their own satay sauce so it will be impossible to recreate it exactly, but I am going to try.  Here is a picture montage of my first try!

Pre-meal

closeup of the veggie plate (way too much for one person!)

shitakes cooking in broth

beef goes into the pot (it was a little fatty, I’ll pick a better cut next time)

Yum. Glistening cooked mushroom ready for sauce.

A nice, messy table is the mark of a good meal.

Overall I did a fairly good job.  I look forward to trying again with some new sauce options and new veggie choices.  I will keep you updated on my quest to recreate perfection at home.

I’m headed back to work in the morning.  No more vacation, and though it was blissful and I favored the company I kept considerably, I do look forward to getting back to work, working hard and being progressive, especially with my health.  Today I cooked a weeks worth of lunches: chicken breast oven baked in honey and soy sauce, oven roasted Brussels sprouts, and couscous, each happily packaged with carrots, an apple, or a yogurt.  Of course I will also have a few cups of lovely coffee from my good friend Krueg, and I’ll have plenty of water to drink thanks to Suffolk’s intimate relationship with Poland Springs.

I spent the better part of the day cleaning and organizing my bedroom and trying to keep on top of the laundry situation.  I still have two loads left but at least the putrid and dirty things do not leak out onto the floor anymore and mix with the perfectly lovely and happy clean clothes.  I have my gym bag together and my work clothes laid out.  This is the way I like to go to bed.  Ready for the next day.  It helps to curb my absolutely horrendous anxiety.  I’ve been so over indulgent with my sleep this vacation so I know getting up in the morning is going to be painful, at least I’ve tried to make that work for me as much as possible.

If anyone out there has any useful words of wisdom to guide me along this cruel and cold month, I’ll be grateful to hear them.  Only 23 more days until I can let out a comfortable breath again- that is unless I hit it big at Mohegan Sun when Jacob and I head out there next week to see Rascal Flatts (his Christmas/CHannakkuahh gift) in which case I will be happy to take you all out to dinner at Kaze Shabu Shabu to celebrate.

yum.

Today was one of those wonderful days that I try to bank in my memory for when the times get tough.  It was actually an all day snow storm, and I spent at least 75% of the day with wet and cold feet, but I have, overall, felt a lot worse being outside- it wasn’t too cold overall and at least my pants were not wet- I’d take pretty much any other wet garment over wet pant legs.  YUCK.

So Jacob and I trudged through the morning snow, our usual chipper and annoying-to-passerby selves, and arrived at Arlington Street to find our choir was only 7 people.  We were small, but mighty- and I actually had a lot of fun singing and being there- then we spent the early afternoon ogling shoes at The Tannery and various housewares at Anthropologie before a very cheap but satisfying lunch at The Pourhouse- seriously- two burgers, a mountain of fries, a fried egg, and a beer for only 20$ in BOSTON?  It’s unheard of!  We parted ways and I headed off to meet up with Carrie to see a show at The Lyric which I am reviewing for Boston Theatre Review.  Overall, we both enjoyed it- and I REALLY enjoyed getting to spend time with her in the Prudential afterward, catching up and talking about our 2010 health goals.  She’s an excellent work out partner and friend.  I’m extremely glad to have met her.

I joined Jacob on the couch by 7pm where we rotted our brains and our stomachs with pointless tv and bad chinese food, and I was extremely excited to find a clean and sweet smelling freshly bathed dog.  Lavan is an excellent winter time heater and snuggle buddy, but a pee-scented dog in your bed isn’t the best- so that was a nice surprise.

Overall I was just happy and the stress of this upcoming month just sorted melted away for a few hours.  Boy am I grateful.  I am labeling all of these happy entries with “2010 rocks” so I can just click the tag to remind myself that I do have wonderful, happy days despite all the emo babble that usually fills this journal.

As tradition dictates, I offer you my list of Books Read in 2009:

1. Eat, Pray, Love- Elizabeth Gilbert
2. The Brief History of the Dead- Kevin Brokmeier
3. The Dark Angel-  Meredith Ann Pierce
4. A Gathering of Gargoyles- Meredith Ann Pierce
5. The Pearl of the Soul of the World-  Meredith Ann Pierce
6. S. – Slavenka Drakulic
7. The Guernsey Literary and Potato Peel Pie Society-  Mary Ann Shaffer
8. Burnt Offerings- Laurell K. Hamilton
9. Blue Moon- Laurell K. Hamilton
10. I Know This Much Is True- Wally Lamb
11. Obsidian Butterfly- Laurell K. Hamilton
12. Narcissus in Chains- Laurell K. Hamilton
13. Cerulean Sins- Laurell K. Hamilton
14. Incubus Dreams- Laurell K. Hamilton
15. Garlic and Sapphires- Ruth Reichl
16. The Yacoubian Building- Alaa Al Aswany
17. White Teeth- Zadie Smith

Another year gone by wasted on Laurell K. Hamilton and her horrible vampire tomes- but I’m resolute that I won’t be reading anymore.  Both Jacob and myself made a clean break at Incubus Dreams which is possibly the worst book I have ever had the misfortune of reading.  Ew and yuck.   I re-read my favorite YA book series this year and loved it as much as I ever have, the depth of feeling it still illicits in my heart is impressive considering how many times I have read it.  This year’s top book was most certainly, The Guernsey Literary and Potato Peel Pie Society which was universally popular with every person I passed the book around to.  What a wonderful little book- it had everything you could want in it, mystery, history, romance… I would recommend it to anyone!  Another fun thing that happened with me and books this year is bookcrossing, a website which encourages kamikaze style drop offs of books in random locations for people to find and enter into the computer- sort of a way of sending your love of books around the globe.  I found a book at the DeCordova Museum this past summer, Garlic and Sapphires actually, and was tickled pink by the idea so I sent some books into the wild myself- a few in Boston and even one in New York City.  It was super fun.  Everyone should get on board with it- all the information as to how to do it is on the website.

Anyone have any suggestions for what I should read in 2010?

It’s 2010.  I couldn’t let this first day of the new year go by without some sort of acknowledgment that I am indeed alive, and thriving, despite what accounts you may have heard to the contrary.

2009 was a tough year.  I gained and lost a number of people I consider dear to me due to as vast an array of circumstances as there are spots on a leopard- that is to say they are all different and yet maintain a somewhat similar look and feel.  I had a lot of plans in my head for the year that has past me by, and we all do- but the vast and inky pool of hurt that I swam through to get through this day, this 2010, is very difficult to scrub clean.  I am ever surprised by the massive capacity of the human heart to endure pain and ills.  I have had worse inflicted upon me, worse by scores, worse beyond anything 2009 wanted to try to throw my way, but at the age I am now, and the place I am, knowing the people I know now, living where I do and seeing what I’ve seen, I can honestly say there have been nights when I wondered how it was possible that I would ever be able to get up again.  As emo as that sounds, and boy does it ever, it isn’t to acquire pity or even sympathy that I write it- more to inquire as to how other people stand up again after crippling sadness.

I’ll admit that my heart was greatly lifted when I was able to welcome a dear friend back in to my life- and in that welcoming was healed from a lot of sadness.  But as I was able to keep one dear friend close to me, I have ever felt the slow and steady slide of other dear friends slipping away.  It is right and natural to cycle through relationships, holding some near, letting others grow farther- but it has been really painful to discover at last, despite how much I tried to fight against it, there are friends that I love who just don’t care about me enough to make the effort to be a part of my regular life.  Even if they say that they do.  And that has to be okay.  It hurts, but it has to be okay.  I have to let them go, and I have to remind myself that they are not going to come flying back to me the way that stories often say they will.  They are gone, and they don’t love me with the depth and attention that I demand and deserve.

While debt is stressful and crippling in an entirely different way, I think it is something that we all will spend the remainder of our lives dealing with- that only a very small fraction of people in the world can life a life free of debt and liberated from the constant nagging that nothing is ever truly yours.  Because of this commonality of man, I have found my debt to be less stressful and less taxing in my waking hours than other pains and ills.  Only in the wee hours of the morning does it haunt me and keep me awake with its sinister kisses.

And though 2009 has brought me pain, it has also brought me joy- joys I have shared before in pictures and words- gratitudes beyond measure, enough even, to make up for all that the year has lacked.  So instead of going to sleep tonight reflecting on the things I want to leave behind about last year, I am going to instead embrace those things that made my life worth living- my family, my very dedicated friends (who have proven themselves again and again and again.  I love you), my beloved pets, my experiences at work, creatively, and theatrically, and my real affirmation of faith.

Goodnight, old life.  Tomorrow I’ll try again.

Today is thanksgiving and it is 2:10 a.m.  Insomnia is fierce and I am wide awake.  So I thought I’d put together a gratitude list in honor of the Thanksgiving holiday complete with photographs.

In 2009, I have been grateful for:

My awesome family who is always supportive and inspires me to be better every day.

For having had the opportunity to know just how much my best friends mean to me, and how much I love them.

(just a sampling)

The good good health of Lavan, Seamus, and Little Cat and all the joy and life the bring to the apartment.

The opportunity to be a part of three absolutely magical weddings, Melissa and Dave, Nicole and Peter, and Robyn and Steve.

A job that at love to go to because the people are so fun and funny and we pull all sorts of rediculousness throughout the day.

The Year of the Serpent- being able to see my own creation performed, it was amazing.

My beautiful God Daughter, Hannah Rose

Arlington Street Church and church choir.

Being a part of Boston Theatre Review and getting to see so many wonderful shows this year.

and of course, Kaze Shabu Shabu.

I love you all, thank you for so many wonderful things to be grateful for.

It isn’t that I don’t have a lot to write about these days, I do.  Time though, won’t stop and allow me the opportunity to catch up with myself.  So I put it off another day. Squelch the panic, soothe the nerves, pretend that there is nothing new to report, happy sad or otherwise.  I fold my life neatly into itself and confidently exclaim that “nothing new is up” when prompted.  I suppose, really, that nothing -is- new, not on the outside at any rate, but for every moment of sameness, there is so much difference that I cannot really name any one thing that I can or would tell the world of blog.

Halloween 2008 seems like 10 years ago to me, not one, and if I close my eyes and barely make a sound then I can almost partially remember what it felt like on my insides this time last year.  So much about me has changed.  Healed bits of me that I feared would be forever broken are not- and that is very good.  Things that I thought were solid have shattered like so much ribbon candy- and that is more sad than it is bad- I don’t think that broken things can ever be as mind numbing and all consuming as they once were to me.  Part of me has died- the young part that ached with emotions is pretty solid.  I cannot think, offhand, of the last time that someone and not some thing has made me cry.  The old standbys- maple syrup commercials, hallmark movies, hospital dramas, still get me to tear up, but humans have bereft me of sadness these days.  It feels good.  It feels dangerous. Sometimes I miss what it felt like to have last year.

Here are some photographs of things that have been important to me since last I wrote:

Alexis broke up with Mike.

Nicole and Peter got married.

Robyn and Steve got married.

Christopher started working with me at Suffolk.

I am reviewing 3 shows this weekend.  Its going to be rad.  I’m bringing back the word rad.  Deal with it.

Seamus sleeps on my back.

Despite being tired, today was a really very beautiful day.  The perfect temperature and the bluest most beautiful sky.  Lavan was happy.  I was happy.  And even though I have been mostly alone today, I don’t feel that sad.  I kept myself busy and appreciated the company of the animals, I took steps to actively not miss my roommate- as I have been all week, and did fine.  It was only just a moment ago that he flew in the door to grab a shirt for tomorrow and then hopped out without so much as a sentence.  I felt overwhelmingly sad watching the car headlights backing out of our driveway.  It was the leaving.  It is the leaving that is hard for me.  Not the sustained distance- mentally, physically, or emotionally- but the finite motion of breaking from someone without knowing if it is the last time.  Oh, I am aware that thought borders on emo and is just a touch melodramatic- but nevertheless, there it is.  Despite my best intentions, I tear up when I see someone I care about turn away and leave me.  I am my Mother waving at the bus as I drove off to board a plane to France.  I am every cliché movie soundtrack that swells as the brave army recruit salutes his veteran father, or the gaggle of school children present single flowers to a room of fire fighters.  I am the commemorative coin depicting the heroic rescue of some small child from some unfeasibly small gully.  There is nothing to be done.

I’m completely exhausted beyond any reasonable degree.  I got what I would consider to be a normal amount of sleep last night- a solid 5-6 hours, but almost from the point of my being awake, I was falling back to sleep again.  Even though I had Lavan with me at work, I still was drowsy in my office, and on the train.  I perked up a little at the dog park, where Lavan played with like 13 other dogs and had a blast and completely exhausted herself beyond any reasonable manifestation of her usual hyper dogness- so much so that she slept continuously from the point we arrived home, but that perkiness was not long held, for as soon as I settled into my couscous and Center Stage, I was fighting off my eyes closing.  I threw some laundry in and decided to play a quick game of Harvest Moon, but could barely keep myself from falling over and did dose off for a few seconds at a time several times.  I just don’t know what is making me so sleepy!  I would go see the doctor if I wasn’t afraid of what other things they would want me to do.

On Monday, I am going to try to start getting back to the gym on a regular basis, that might improve my health and mood and fatigue a little, but who knows really.

Ever Virgin.

Swine Flu is everywhere.  No, not the actual flu- just the media construct.  Never in my life have I seen such wide-spread rediculousness over something so silly.  Perhaps I am being naive.  Real danger could be lurking around the corner, ready to spring forth from the sty and end my useless life.  But, until that time, I would prefer to live in the blissful ignorance of this child:

Suffolk sent us an email citing their own personal information about the “swine-origin flu (H1N1) outbreak”.  You can see what they have to say here: http://www.suffolk.edu/offices/932.html. They also urged us thusly:

If you are diagnosed with swine flu, please let your supervisor and Human Resources know so that we can assess potential exposures and risks for other members of Suffolk University.

It is sort of scary to think that our places of business are thinking of these sorts of things!  At least Suffolk has a plan and is taking proactive steps, right?  I suppose if this were a real epidemic then I would feel good knowing Suffolk had my back.

But wow. The media has done a great job making this into a big deal.

Ever Virgin.